The beginning

It's another Saturday and it is raining. Water is falling from the roof and drips along the walls and jumps to the floor making a "Cluck Cluck". I was listening to the noisy sound of the rain while sipping my coffee and listening to music. Then, I realized why not write a blog! Here, I am writing a blog for the first time!

First, I am not a fan of rain. It irritates me (well, not always, most of the time), I don't like how it wets the floors and how the mud get into my foot and clothes when I'm walking, More than anything else, it leaves me with a feeling of usefulness. I don't know what that is. I like sunny days, the sun is dripping with heat, the sky is bright blue, flowers are glistening with the sun's rays.. You know how it goes.

I'm listening to I See Red by Everybody Loves An Outlaw, such a great song. I love how her powerful voice gives life to the emotions, very strong. I almost picked up an imaginary fight. I usually listen to the same song on repeat till I get sick of it. Then find another. I don't like the lyrics in most songs, but the beat and the rhythm. Most of the time, I can't relate to the lyrics or the emotions they talk about. Some lyrics are BS, but they got a nice and energetic rhythm that makes the lyrics unimportant.

Funny, I kinda lost the interest that I had when I started writing this. For a fact, I easily get bored and end up abandoning the work halfway. Basically, I can be very lazy. SO, I thought of changing the ways of my life and trying to be more productive maybe. I can be the ultimate procrastinator and do the assignments at the last minute, which is no good. I am currently in a phase where I have almost given up on life. Hmm, I don't know. I don't have any expectations or a purpose. They say don't just exist, LIVE! That, I don't know how to do. There are days, that I have left the house thinking, I wish this is my last day, I wish a vehicle would run over me or I get a stroke..(hehe , funny, I know)So I don't have to do it myself. I have been existing this whole time. The endless loop of life scares me and wants to walk away from it.

Yet, I am not suicidal or anything. It's just my way and I have figured that if I continue this way, it is the end for me and I should change my ways. I have created a person in my mind that is so not worthy of living. I was not like this. I was talkative, active and most importantly confident in being who I am. But not anymore. On the bright side, I'm trynna come out of it and hoping to update you on my little blog!